Home > satire > • What every agency needs: the steam punk Mega-Blaster Client Attitude Adjuster Ray

• What every agency needs: the steam punk Mega-Blaster Client Attitude Adjuster Ray

Powered by steam punk, driven by desparation

Powered by steam, driven by despair

Agencies now employ a vast number of technologically-advanced tools to help get their work done. With the aid of computers they can create stunning 3-D graphics that would have been impossible twenty years ago, conduct and analyse consumer surveys with the touch of a button, and quickly re-dub existing commercials into hilarious spoofs for the Christmas party. But what about all those day-to-day problems that come up for which modern technology appears to have no solution? No computer program can make a troublesome client more compliant or silence the guy from creative who plugs the same stupid idea over and over again.

But where modern devices fail, steam-punk devices succeed: at least, steam-punk devices as envisioned by the 8fish agency for this year’s ADDY Awards, held last February in Salt Lake City’s Salt Palace Convention Center.

Having problems with a coworker who always comes up with completely idiotic ideas in meetings and won’t let go of them? The Dyna-Glo Dung Idea Detector instantly detects such conceptual time-wasters, identifies the culprit, and silences them with “a delightfully viscous patented substance called Subdue Goo.”

Other handy items include the Mega-Blaster Client Attitude Adjuster Ray, the Stupefying Galvanic Brainstorm Accelerator Helmet, and perhaps the most valuable of all, the Solar Super Snappy Slogan-A-Tron which spits out such client-pleasing slogans as “Reach out and touch a magically delicious, finger-lickin’ someone. “

So take a break right now and check out the whole series of 8fish’s Pick Up Steam ads. Your lagging spirit will thank you.

And if your creative director comes along to give you grief, try the Subatomic Creative Director Ego Minimizer, which reduces the ego of troublesome creative directors by extracting “enough hot air to power your own air ship.” Do be careful, however, side effects include: lumbago, paralysis, impotence, convulsions, eczema, and boils, but are only temporary and may subside within 24 months.

Categories: satire
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